Opinions by Maria Joao Faustino, EWL Executive Member, and Marta Asensio, Survivor and feminist activist

By Maria João Faustino, EWL Executive Committee Member

[The original text in Portuguese was published in Público and is available here.]

The monsterisation of the perpetrators is a strategy of comfort, which allows us to distance ourselves from the horror in an illusory way. The imaginary monster has a subtext: he is not one of us.

By now, we have all heard about the Mazan rape horror. For more than a decade, Dominique sedated Gisèle Pélicot, to whom he had been married for five decades, with drugs, advertising her on an online forum as a consumable item for other men to rape while she was unconscious. (The website coco.gg is linked to other cases of violence and was only shut down in June.)

Dominique filmed the rapes, and the footage had been found by the police during another investigation years earlier (Dominique was arrested for filming women up their skirts without their consent, a form of violence commonly known as upskirting). The men who raped Gisèle while she was unconscious included a firefighter, a police officer, a journalist, nurses and a prison guard. Dozens of ordinary men, of all ages and professions. Many men participated; many others must have known about these crimes, but no one reported them.

In court, Gisèle spoke about the rapes and her expression was corrected: she was told that, out of respect for the presumption of innocence, she should refer to “sex scenes” and not rape. This disciplining of Gisèle’s speech is an absolute perversion of the presumption of innocence, so often used to silence women, their stories and experiences, inside and outside the courts.

As always happens in cases that spark collective horror, there are comments and headlines describing Dominique Pélicot as a “monster”. I urge us not to do so. The monsterization of the perpetrators is a strategy of comfort, which allows us to distance ourselves from the horror in an illusory way. The image of the monster has a subtext: he is not one of us.

But he is – also – a rapist. Our colleague, our friend, our husband. The friendly neighbour who fixes our bike and whom we greet at the bakery. The so-called good family man. The loving grandfather. Men made of the same flesh than us, raised in families and schools similar to ours, someone we recognise as equal.

This case seems distant, unimaginable and unspeakable – and in many ways it is. But Gisèle is not an isolated case, nor are her rapists. Marta Asensio, a Spanish victim-survivor and activist, has spoken publicly about how she was repeatedly raped while unconscious, at home, by someone she loved and trusted. Her testimony has shown, once again, the inadequacy of the slogan “no means no”: as in the cases described above of “chemical submission”, many rape victims are not in a position to say no. Marta fought for the inclusion of rape in the recently approved EU Directiveto combat violence against women – a directive that failed to include rape or sexual harassment, among other omissions. We are still a long way from fulfilling the requirement of active, reciprocal and voluntary participation of all people involved in any sexual act (I consider that calling it consent is misleading and reductive).

At 71 years old, Gisèle Pélicot has given up her anonymity because she believes that shame must change sides. Gisèle courageously chose visibility on behalf of all the other victims. This is something all women should be grateful for. But this choice does not give a free pass to the incessant and often voyeuristic reproduction of her image. Few have seen the image of Dominique Pélicot. Many of Gisèle’s rapists remain anonymous.

Thank you, Gisèle Pélicot. Thank you, Marta Asensio. The shame is not ours and needs to change sides.

Response by Marta Asensio, survivor and feminist activist

[The original response in Spanish is available below]

Thank you very much Maria João Faustino for your support and your help in spreading and raising awareness of such an important issue as chemical submission and how its perpetrators act.

Indeed, they are not monsters, they are any of the men you may come across, educated in a patriarchal society; men who take advantage of the carte blanche given to them by the society and that protects them up with silence or blaming the victims, asking them why they did not defend themselves sufficiently (something you can’t do if you have been drugged) or if “you were so stupid that you didn’t realise that your partner was drugging you” and that “maybe you liked it and that’s why you didn’t denounce him before” (in short, machismo and misogyny always appear in these social judgements).

For years, in every family, we have lived through family secrets of abuse, violence and rape against women. We were told that we should keep quiet, but we are breaking the silence, as uncomfortable as it is to talk about this brutal reality, in a society that asks us to keep quiet and turn a page, and in this way covers up for rapists.

We women are taking a step forward, showing our face publicly giving our testimony, denouncing legally and publicly and saying: BASTA YA !!! Enough is enough. Enough of blaming us even when we could not say anything at all, neither ‘NO’ nor ‘YES’, since consent cannot be given under the effect of the drugs that someone gives you, at that moment you have the will annulled.

I have also had to listen to someone (a man, of course) telling me: “This would not have happened to me,” believing that someone in this society can get away with being drugged and raped (men speak from their position of privilege, as this is something that arrives rarely to them, women do not drug them to rape them). Nobody can be alert 24/7, especially if you are talking about your closest circles of trust.

But it doesn’t matter, because still, they tell you that “you were too trusting”… and then if you distrust everyone and everything, they tell you that “you’re traumatised.” We never do it right!!! It seems that we do not fulfil the ‘Manual of the perfect victim’ because we also go on with our lives, sometimes we even allow ourselves ‘the luxury’ of smiling …. and of course, a true victim should not smile, should never have a partner again, nor should they have a normalised life.

Well, all of that is not true, of course, you can be a victim and can overcome it, with a lot of personal effort, but you can. I also offer my support to all the women who have lived through it, and especially to Gisèle Pélicot, with whom I have tried to get in touch through her lawyer without success so far. I believe that together we can help each other a lot in this fight.

What was inflicted on us mustn’t be forgotten. If they tell you to shut up, shout! If they tell you to forget and turn the page, be a fighter, fight for justice, even if justice fails against you, as it often fails us women (because unfortunately justice is also made by people and there is still a lot of institutional and social machismo). Your conscience must be clear, because having pointed out your aggressor in court and publicly, will surely make it more difficult for him to have the opportunity to do it again to another woman.

Without a doubt, shame must change sides and today my conscience is clear despite the fact that my rapist, who did the same to several other women who testified in several trials, is still free.

Thank you for speaking up, for giving us a voice also through the media. It is the only way things can change.

Hugs,
Marta Asensio Colomo

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Muchas gracias, Maria João Faustino, por tu apoyo y tu ayuda en la difusión y concienciación de un tema tan importante como la sumisión química y como actúan sus perpetradores.

Efectivamente: no son monstruos, son cualquiera de los hombres que puedas cruzarte, educados en una sociedad patriarcal que aprovechan la carta blanca que les da la sociedad que les encubre con el silencio o revictimizando a las víctimas, preguntándoles ¿por qué no se defendieron lo suficiente? (algo que no puedes hacer si te han drogado) o si “eras tan tonta que no te dabas cuenta de que tu pareja te estaba drogando” y que “tal vez es que te gustaba y por eso no denunciaste antes” (en fin, el machismo y la misoginia siempre aparecen en estos juicios sociales).

Durante años, hemos vivido en todas las familias secretos familiares de abusos, violencias y violaciones hacia las mujeres. Nos decían que debíamos callarnos, pero estamos rompiendo moldes, haciendo incomodo el retratar una realidad brutal, en una sociedad que nos pide que nos callemos y pasemos página, y que de ese modo encubre a violadores.

Las mujeres estamos dando un paso al frente, mostrando nuestra cara públicamente dando nuestro testimonio, denunciando legal y públicamente y diciendo: BASTA YA!!! basta de culparnos a nosotras incluso si no podíamos decir nada, ni “NO” ni “Si” puesto que el consentimiento no se puede dar bajo el efecto de las drogas que alguien te suministre, en ese momento tienes la voluntad anulada.

También he tenido que escuchar que alguien (un hombre, como no) me dijese: “A mi esto no me hubiera pasado”, creyendo que alguien en esta sociedad puede librarse de que le droguen y lo violen (en hombres es menos habitual, también hablan desde su posición de privilegio, nosotras no les drogamos para violarles). Nadie puede vigilar 24/7 especialmente si estas hablando de círculos cercanos de confianza.

Pero da igual, por que si no, te dicen que “te pasaste de confiada” a ver, que era mi pareja!!!…y luego si desconfiamos de todos y todo, te dicen que “estas traumada”. Nunca lo hacemos bien!! parece que no cumplimos el “Manual de la perfecta víctima” porque además seguimos con nuestras vidas, a veces hasta nos permitimos “el lujo” de sonreír….y claro, una verdadera víctima no debe sonreír, no debe tener nunca más una pareja, ni debe tener una vida normalizada.
Pues no es así. Claro que se puede salir de ello; con mucho trabajo personal pero se puede. Y también brindo mi apoyo a todas las mujeres que lo han vivido, y especialmente a Gisele Pellicot, con la que he tratado de ponerme en contacto a través de su abogado sin éxito hasta el momento. Creo que juntas nos podemos ayudar mucho en esta lucha.

Que lo que nos ha pasado no se quede en el silencio, si te dicen que calles, grita!! Si te dicen que olvides y pases página, se peleona, lucha por la justicia, incluso si la justicia falla en tu contra, como en muchas ocasiones nos falla a las mujeres (porque lamentablemente la justicia también la hacen personas y sigue habiendo mucho machismo institucional y social) pero tu conciencia ha de estar tranquila: haber señalado a tu agresor judicialmente y públicamente, seguro hará que le sea más difícil volver a tener la oportunidad de hacérselo a otra mujer.

Sin duda la vergüenza debe cambiar de bando!! y hoy mi conciencia está tranquila a pesar de que mi violador, que es el mismo de otras varias mujeres que dimos nuestro testimonio en varios juicios, sigue libre.

Gracias por la difusión, por darnos voz también a través de los medios. Es el único modo en que las cosas pueden cambiar.

Un abrazo
MARTA ASENSIO COLOMO